Drastic Changes and Self-Reflection


From time to time I wake up in this bedroom and think about how it all feels unreal. I am more independent than I have ever been at any point in my life.

While I am living in an apartment with my brother at the moment, I own everything I have in my room and have been contributing immensely to small improvements around the apartment. I’ll reach a point over the next year or two where I will be capable of living on my own and keeping my living area clean on a regular basis.

Thinking back to six months ago, I was at a point where I was starting to map out how moving out would be. Back then I was struggling to keep things clean and had no actual motivation to make things better for myself outside of the things I had direct interest in.

For example, I have put a lot of time and effort into my home infrastructure and other computing stuff. My main desktop is pretty powerful and I have an overpowered server at home that affords me the opportunity to host quite a bit on my home network. I was struggling to keep the area clean, resorting to dusting once a month or even less and finding cobwebs and other unsettling things.

In the month of September I managed to move myself out with some help from my family, though I put in a lot of physical effort and planning to make it come to fruition. I also took the initiative to ensure all of the finances are set for rent, utilities, and what-not to reduce stress on my brother. During this time I made this space much more accommodating to my preferences while also working out a strategy to reduce interference in my brother’s own lifestyle.

I have managed to accomplish the following:

  • Stable and Robust Internet and Local Network
  • Weekly Workout Routine
  • Weekly Dieting Routine
  • Proactive Upkeep of Common Living Areas
  • Weekly Laundry Cleaning
  • Reorganization of All Possessions
  • Future Planning for Fitness / VR Investment

During the month of September I got sick, but due to my excellent diet, I managed to rebound quickly. My manager at work was awesome enough to give me a work from home to ensure I am not bringing anything in with me while also giving me a great opportunity to work on my health without the stress of the commute. I am now fully prepared to return to the normal commute with increased energy and focus.

Work performance is pretty steady despite all of the stuff going on in my personal life. I am doing a decent job preventing work stress from impacting my personal life, though that is still somewhat difficult. My job has a lot of moving parts during a time when the company is focused on restructuring, reinvesting in itself, and finding ways to streamline every aspects of what we do. Our sales pipeline is necessitating more output, and I am focused on trying to figure out how to achieve that on my end.

Three years ago when I was really struggling with alcohol, I couldn’t even imagine my life being remotely like it is now. I was dealing with a lot of suicidal ideation, a lot of depression from how my previous employment ended, and ultimately felt like there was no way out. I recognized on one hand I had help from my family to both get back into a positive mindset and to obtain employment that has ultimately turned into a career, but I have also invested a massive amount of time and effort to turn things around.

My next three months is a focus on continuing my weight loss journey, improving my overall muscular and cardiovascular health, and improving my work output to make the last quarter a successful one. I will need to plan to see a doctor for a routine checkup to make sure everything is trending in the right direction while also tackling some other health issues. Outside of that, I am going to keep my head down and focus on the end goal.

At the same time I am focused on figuring out where I want to go with the next stage of my life. The idea of finding someone and getting into a relationship with someone is something that feels foreign to me, so I am focused on trying to create the best version of myself until I reach a point where I feel comfortable with the idea of meeting people. I am looking to find new hobbies I can be passionate about that can improve my self-confidence, but also give me something to share with the world. I have a few ideas.


I’ve been playing around with the idea of getting a bit serious with photography. While growing up, I did have fun messing with cameras and figuring out how to set up a good shot. During my sophomore year in high school I took a class where one of the activities was being able to take pictures and develop the film ourselves. I did well in this endeavor, and it stuck with me. While I don’t necessarily want to go down the route where I need to make my own dark room, I like the idea of getting a decent digital camera to take nature shots and to capture family moments for everyone.

Rhythm Gaming

Obviously I already have rhythm gaming as a hobby, but I am wanting to nail down my commitments for 2024. One of those commitments is to start planning an investment into a good quality SDVX and IIDX controller so I can push forward in both those directions. I’ve already ordered a decent custom Clone Hero controller as well so I can give that a shot.

My investment into VR pretty falls under the rhythm gaming umbrella since my main focus is getting into Beat Saber and any other rhythm games I can find. Over time I am sure others will come out that I will have an interest in, and having a headset makes it quick to jump in and figure out what works for me. On top of that, doing so will serve as a great way for me to get my cardio.

Finally, I will be working on improving the at-home DDR set up so I can easily set it up and play on a regular basis. I eventually intend DDR to be my main form of cardio exercise with the occasional job outside. On top of that, there is a StepMania X machine about five minutes away from where I work, giving me a great idea for a quick workout when I am done for the day. It could serve as a way to get some exercise on the days where I am at the office.

Creative Writing

I’ve always wanted to devote time and effort into some creative writing. Often times I would run into issues with focus and energy, but my recent improvements to my lifestyle are giving me back some time and energy. I am hoping to actually do some creative writing on the side for fun. I might post some of it here on the blog.

Final Takeaway

My next few months are going to be eventful and life changing. Work seems like it’s ramping up to be more challenging, yet more rewarding. Personal developments are leading to me feeling better about myself, being able to move around a lot more, and having a vehicle has enabled me to actually venture outside of my comfort zone. As we are moving towards the winter I am sure I am going to be exploring less, but this gives me an opportunity to explore more of my hobbies during a time when I am going to be inside anyway.

I am planning to post a bit more frequently on this blog about things tech-related. I am planning to cover some of the recent developments in the Google ecosystem with their continued killing off of different offerings. Google’s graveyard has been expanding over the years and doesn’t show any sign of stopping. It’s depressing how many different services Google has experimented and killed when you compare it to a company like Valve who, for the most part, continues to innovate and succeed where they are investing their time and money.

About the author


Rhythm and puzzle gamer. Recovering workaholic. Trying my best despite the odds.

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By Aesthemic

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